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I HAVE NO TIME

So, in true one thing after another fashion… I’m now working 60+ hours a week. My brain won’t stop thinking about new story ideas… UNTIL I HAVE TIME TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE.

I also realize again just how awful I am at being social on the internet. Because on one hand I just want to share my writing and I want people to love it, but on the other hand, I’m still terrified someone will steal it. I don’t know why I’m so paranoid, there’s so many fun works floating out there from other amateur writers. I’m sure it’s just my brain being against me.

Also, I’ve been really sad lately because I love Webtoons and I think I could move my stories into Webtoons, but I have no artistic talent or no any artists interest in that medium.

Blech. It’ll be fine. I’m sure.

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Lazy Writer is Lazy

Bad News: I have 1 brain cell and it’s too exhausted to help me with any kind of story development.

Good News: An adrenaline rush gave me enough of a spark to tack on some cutesy stuff to an already cutesy section.

Bad News: I love smut and IT’S SO HARD thatswhatshesaid not to devolve “Good Enough” into that. I go back and forth because why can’t a bit of smut be okay? People still love Game of Thrones. But then I worry that it’ll be disregarded as a trashy romance novel. But also, I love trashy romance novels and my fanfiction is basically just trashy romance scenes and I love writing them as much as I do reading them so what’s the problem if I enjoy it? Then I think But it won’t be marketable. And then I think 50 Shades of Grey and then I think who the f*** is going to publish me anyway?

MY BRAIN

Blog · Originals

“Good Enough” Chapter 1 Teaser

The beat of the music reverberated through Charlie’s chest. Her senses were confused in this atmosphere; between the alcohol, sweat, and various perfumes, she almost couldn’t breathe. It was dark, except for the colorful lasers and lights cutting through the crowd at random. The only solid light was a faint glow from the bar. 

Charlie followed Misha to the bar and watched her slip between a cluster of people waiting for their drinks. She looked around the busy club; tall round tables and stools separated the bar from the dance floor. When Charlie squinted, she could see only what she could assume is the VIP section: velvet ropes, large men in suits at the entrance, beautiful waitresses, and people dressed in outfits that cost more than her salary seated on plush-looking couches. What’s it like-.

Misha spun around and held a full shot glass in front of Charlie’s face. “Drink up!” To Misha’s surprise, Charlie grabbed the glass and downed the shot quickly.

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“Good Enough” – Quinn Intro

Basic Statistics

Name: Quinn Kwan-Ryung

Age: 29

Nationality: Korean

Socioeconomic Level as a child: Wealthy

Socioeconomic Level as an adult: Wealthy

Hometown: Gangnam 

Current Residence: Penthouse of The Victoria in fictional city or Seoul

Occupation: Son of the head of the Kwan-Ryung crime organization. 

Income: Loads

Talents/Skills: Manipulation. 🙃 Artist, painter

Birth order: Youngest child

Sibling: 1 sister, Ara

Parents: I wrote about them in other notes, but I’m thinking they’re both prominent business people with gang ties.

Significant Others (describe relationship): Marcus.

Relationship skills: Suave. He knows what he’s doing, but gets bored quickly. He likes drama and it impacts his love life greatly.

Physical Characteristics:

Height: 6’1″

Weight: Unsure, but lean and lanky.

Race: Korean

Eye Color: Dark brown

Hair Color: Blue

Glasses or contact lenses? No

Skin color: Pale

Shape of Face: V Shape

Distinguishing features: Blue hair

How does he/she dress? Wealthy trendy.

Mannerisms: stoic. Clenches jaw when stressed or angry. 

Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) I cant remember if he smokes lol

Health: Good

Hobbies: Painting, playing video games 

Favorite Sayings: NA

Speech patterns: NA

Disabilities: NA

Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): Trendy

Greatest flaw: Doesn’t always see the consequences down the line

Best quality: Loyal

Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes

Educational Background: Private school. Diploma. College

Intelligence Level: Very smart.

Any Mental Illnesses? Unsure

Learning Experiences: Unsure

Character’s short-term goals in life: to get whatever he wants in that momenr

Character’s long-term goals in life: Power.

How does Character see himself/herself? Charming, attractive

How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? Charming, attractive

How self-confident is the character? Very. 

Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Emotion

What would most embarrass this character? Not much

Emotional Characteristics

Strengths/Weaknesses: Doesn’t always think of consequences

Introvert or Extrovert? Extrovert

How does the character deal with anger? Sadist

With sadness? 

With conflict?

With change?

With loss?

What does the character want out of life? To successfully take over “the family business”, but unsure if that his true calling or just battling a need for approval from his parents

What would the character like to change in his/her life? Mulling this one over. Maybe real love from his family or real love from a romantic interest  

What motivates this character? Lust, greed

What frightens this character? Mortality.

What makes this character happy? His friends, getting his way, gaming 

Is the character judgmental of others? Yes

Is the character generous or stingy? Generous

Is the character generally polite or rude? Polite to friends. Rude to enemies. 

How the Character is Involved in the Story

Character’s role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.): Romantic interest’s pseudo-brother

Scene where character first appears: Night club

How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: Humbled.

Additional Notes on This Character:

Blog · Originals

Character Intros

Yes, “Good Enough” has more than 2 characters, but I am insanely lazy and have not completed any of the other profiles.

I love writing the main scenes/events between characters. The in between to move the story along, timeliness, character profiles not so much. But wanting to become more serious is making me realize just how important all of the little things are. How they not only create the character, but make them feel real. What do they like? What are their quirks? Why are they the way they are? How do they react to other personality types and situations?

I know I’ve talked about this before… I won’t give up. I’ll post another character soon.

Blog · Originals

“Good Enough” – Charlie Intro

Main Character…

Name: Charlotte Woods

Alias: Charlie

Age: 27

Nationality: Korean-America

Socioeconomic Level as a child: Middle Class

Socioeconomic Level as an adult: Poor

Hometown: Itaewon-dong

Current Residence: Fictional city suburb

Occupation: Web design and web sales department of a marketing firm

Income: decent. But paying off debt and school, so living modestly

Talents/Skills: Strategic. Good with her hands. Likes to build computers and play around with electronics. 

Siblings: None

Parents:

Dad: Robert Woods. U.S. Army Ranger. Stationed in Korea. Retired.

Mom: Ji-Yu Cha-Woods (first name means rich and wise. Last name means Chariot). School teacher. Still teaching.

Grandparents (describe relationship): Good. Ji-Yu’s mom lives with them. Robert and his parents use to travel every few years to each other. They now use technology to keep in touch.

Significant Others (describe relationship): Ex-fiance Nathan Cole was verbally and emotionally abusive. They met in high school when she was feeling her most uncomfortable with her body. As they grew up, he grew cruel. They went to the same college, but due to different course studies, were never around each other. Insistent on having their own apartment, but being unable to work because of his education, Charlie worked hard while taking classes. He used this as a way to separate their lives. Very charming and social, he was always at “study group”. He never hosted at their apartment and he never introduced her to his friends. Seeing some beautiful girls fawn over him at school and speaking up, their relationship took a darker turn toward physical abuse.

Her computer science teacher, Professor Ram, had loved Charlie’s skill and felt a connection to take her under her wing. She had noticed Charlie losing weight, blemishes on her skin more often, dark circles around her eyes. She had tried to discuss her physical health with Charlie, but she would always change the conversation. But when Nathan raped Charlie, she decided to end things for good. Charlie’s parents gave her what money they could afford to help Charlie leave, but it wouldn’t be quite enough. Professor Ram, having no children of her own, gladly handed Charlie the funds and helped her find a small apartment away from the school and helped convert her to online classes. Charlie, wanting to cut ties and move on, left while Nathan was in classes. She left enough money to get him though 1 month on his own and a note that said “don’t contact me or my family or I’ll tell everyone what you’ve been doing. I have proof.” She had taken pictures of her bruises and before the last incident. She wanted to leave and was afraid things would get worse before she left, and that no one would believe her, so she set up a secret camera in the apartment. She caught the violent on camera. She kept the footage secured. If he ever found her and wouldn’t leave, she wanted it as leverage. 

Our story 2 years after her leaving him and 1 year after her BS is complete.

Relationship skills: Awkward. Trust issues. Abandonment issues. Yet hopeless romantic. Head and heart fight a lot.

Physical Characteristics:

Height: 5’5″

Weight: 210

Race: Korean-American

Eye Color: Green

Hair Color: Dark blonde

Glasses or contact lenses? No

Skin color: Pale

Shape of Face: Rounded

Distinguishing features: freckles across her nose and cheeks. Eyes are bright green

How does he/she dress? Modestly. Loose fitting clothes.

Mannerisms: she bites her lip a lot. She has a hard time making eye contact. 

Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.)

Health: Average. She doesn’t necessarily take care of herself, but she doesn’t eat a lot of unhealthy things. Naturally thick.

Hobbies: Video games. Reading. Modifying computers.

Favorite Sayings: 

Speech patterns: 

Disabilities: None

Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): Shabby chic. Cute, not filthy.

Greatest flaw: 

Best quality: Loyal

Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes

Educational Background: B.S. in computer science

Intelligence Level: not quite a “genius”, but smart.

Any Mental Illnesses? Anxiety. Trauma.

Learning Experiences: see Significant Other

Character’s short-term goals in life: Pay off debt. Move into nicer apartment.

Character’s long-term goals in life: 

How does Character see himself/herself? She lacks self-confidence, so when she does think she’s cute, she often gets uncomfortable. 

How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? They see that she’s cute.

How self-confident is the character? Not at all

Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? More logic.

What would most embarrass this character? To be vulnerable. For others to know that she let a man do what Nathan did to her.

Emotional Characteristics

Strengths/Weaknesses:

Introvert or Extrovert? Introvert

How does the character deal with anger? Shuts down. Hides.

With sadness? 

With conflict?

With change? Adaptable.

With loss? Does not take the necessary steps to grieve. Would be too focused on the logistics of the situation. 

What does the character want out of life? To be financially stable and confident in herself.

What would the character like to change in his/her life? She would like to love herself. She would like to finish paying off the remaining debt to finally get rid of Nathan.

What motivates this character? Money 

What frightens this character? Men. Money. Loneliness. Failure.

What makes this character happy? Video games. Cats. Food. Friends and family.

Is the character judgmental of others? No.

Is the character generous or stingy? Stingy, but will help others

Is the character generally polite or rude? Polite 

Spiritual Characteristics

Does the character believe in God? No

What are the character’s spiritual beliefs? Atheist

Is religion or spirituality a part of this character’s life?

If so, what role does it play?

How the Character is Involved in the Story

Character’s role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.): main character. 

Scene where character first appears: listening to music, working on a client’s website

Relationships with other characters: 

1. Character’s Name (Describe relationship with this character and changes to relationship over the course of the novel): Misha. Wealthy best friend. Loyal. Loves men and Charlie. She sees Charlie as a smart, capable, beautiful woman and has no problem telling her. Misha helps pull Charlie out of her shell. Misha is Charlie’s only friend, Charlie is Misha’s favorite friend.

2. Character’s Name (Describe relationship with this character and changes to relationship over the course of the novel): Caleb. Love interest. She’s ever changing around him. She’s shy, but speaks her mind. She lets herself be vulnerable around him, but does not let him into her past.

How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: Confident. Loved. 

Additional Notes on This Character:

Blog · Originals

“Good Enough” – Caleb Character Intro

Here’s my lazy attempt (I know, self-deprecation isn’t cool) at filling out a character profile for the love interest in my WIP.

(Fans of Midnight Poppyland will be happy to know that Tora was one of Caleb’s inspirations.)

Other inspirations include Can Yaman (Turkish model/actor), Brendan Lai (British-Chinese model)

Basic Statistics

Name: Caleb (last name being worked)

Age: 29

Nationality: Leaning towards Korean

Socioeconomic Level as a child: Poor

Socioeconomic Level as an adult: Wealthy

Hometown: Unknown Ghetto

Current Residence: Penthouse of The Victoria in fictional city

Occupation: Enforcer of the Kwan-Ryung crime organization. (Kwan means strong. Ryung means bright)

Income: Loads

Talents/Skills: Cooking. Shutting off his humanity and hurting people. Parkour. Hand-to-hand combat.

Birth order: Orphaned. No known family. 

Significant Others (describe relationship): None currently. 

Relationship skills: Barely. Does not get emotionally invested. Relationships are generally need based. Has had very few. Has a “women take away focus” philosophy. 

Physical Characteristics:

Height: 6’3″

Weight: Unsure, but more lean muscle than bulky

Race: Not mentioned specifically, so still debating.

Eye Color: Light brown, caramel almost

Hair Color: dark brown, almost black

Glasses or contact lenses? Contacts out. Wears glasses at home.

Skin color: Always looks sun-kissed

Shape of Face: Square. Sharp angles.

Distinguishing features: Eyes look unnatural

How does he/she dress? Wealthy trendy.

Mannerisms: stoic. Clenches jaw when stressed or angry. 

Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) I cant remember if he smokes lol

Health: very good health. Livelihood depends on it.

Hobbies: Reading. Also, I like to think he secretly loves kdramas. 

Favorite Sayings: 

Speech patterns: 

Disabilities:

Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): Trendy

Greatest flaw: Over-protective. The whole organized crime thing.

Best quality: Loyalty.

Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes

Educational Background: Private school. Diploma. 

Intelligence Level: Very smart.

Any Mental Illnesses? Buried trauma. Rage issues.

Learning Experiences: A rough life.

Character’s short-term goals in life: Whatever his employer needs.

Character’s long-term goals in life: whatever his employer needs.

How does Character see himself/herself? An intimidating brute.

How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? An intimidating brute.

How self-confident is the character? Very. 

Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Logic

What would most embarrass this character? To fail his employer

Emotional Characteristics

Strengths/Weaknesses:

Introvert or Extrovert? Extroverted Introvert

How does the character deal with anger? Punches things. Works out. Pretty much all negative emotions 

With sadness? 

With conflict?

With change?

With loss?

What does the character want out of life? To not feel lonely. To not feel reliant on others.

What would the character like to change in his/her life? He sometimes wants to take the wealth he has and retire in another city. 

What motivates this character? His childhood. His employer. 

What frightens this character? His employer. 

What makes this character happy? 

Is the character judgmental of others? He can be. It’s part of his job

Is the character generous or stingy? Generous

Is the character generally polite or rude? Polite to some. Rude to enemies. 

How the Character is Involved in the Story: love interest. Job and acquaintances

Character’s role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.): Romantic interest

Scene where character first appears: Night club

Relationships with other characters:

1. Character’s Name (Describe relationship with this character and changes to relationship over the course of the novel): Quinn. Employer’s son. Best friend. Went to school “together” (employer had him go to protect Quinn. But cared about Caleb’s grades). Roommates. Very open with each other. 

How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: He’s softer. Finds actual meaning in himself and his own life outside of his violent upbringing.

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WIP – In Summary

I’ve been having a rough “few days”… But like I said in my last post, I still want to start opening up about my favorite Work in Progress. So here goes nothing…

It’s an Adult Fiction. Main characters range in late 20’s-early 30’s. The setting is a modern fictional world. I was thinking about creating fictional cities around Seoul, South Korea. This is all outside of my comfort zone. I’m use to writing in fully fictional worlds where the laws of logic don’t actually matter. But here’s a story where the environment, the technology, the food are actually going to play a huge role to help ground it in reality. Also, I tend to be a Tell, not Show person… So the sights, sounds, and smells of the environment aren’t something I always delve into. And as I write this, I’m thinking of the last scene I wrote that involves food and I never mentioned once about how anything smelled lol.

I know it sounds really crazy and I don’t need to focus on every little blade of grass, but if I don’t push myself, then I’m never going to improve.

Okay, so now that we have the setting out of the way, who are my characters? Eh, I’ll save that part for another post. 😋

Featured image courtesy of ischooladvisor.com

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Feeling better

There’s a foot of snow on the ground, it’s 30°, but I’m feeling warm inside today.

I keep trying to stave off the “oh god, what’s going to go wrong” thoughts. Doing ok with that so far.

Thinking more and more about how to comfortably share my favorite wip without giving everything away at once. I picked up some ideas from other new authors, so I may just start sharing scene peeks and character info. More on that later. Back to work.

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Safely share WIPs?

So I have 3 adult fiction works in progress. I’m trying to build a web presence, but the idea of rejection or works being stolen has prohibited me from sharing non-fanfiction pieces openly.

I’ve been feeling a little more open and brave lately, my own site and blogging should hint towards that. But does posting it here even protect my work? I genuinely don’t know. I’m not in a position to have a lawyer on retainer (I can be overdramatic, I know this), so it’s tough to get any real confirmation of anything from the internet.

Also, my WIPs are nowhere near completed, so even if I started sharing, they could drastically change. I just don’t know how to properly do all of this when I’m fighting anxiety and paranoia.