I finally did it… I went to a doctor and talked about some thoughts, feelings, behaviors I’m noticing, etc. They diagnosed me with anxiety and depression and prescribed me an SSRI. It was nice that it wasn’t pressured. It was an option, therapy was promoted more. I took the weekend to think it over and I started a low dose on Tuesday.

I’m tired. All the time. But I work crazy hours and keep myself going. I’m still productive, but I don’t have the fire I use to. My friend called to check on me, she could hear a difference. She said I sounded flat. I get a little nauseous in the morning, but it usually only lasts a few minutes. I tried playing a video game last night and I was just awful. Like my reaction time was so slow. It made me really sad. But I’m going to try again this weekend. It seems I feel more sluggish in the morning and before bed. I’ve been taking the meds in the evening because I was afraid I’d be too tired during the day.

The upside, my brain is still mine. I still have the same thoughts and feelings. I just don’t get as stressed out. I don’t jump to conclusions as quick or react negatively right off the bat. Like it toned my emotions down to let my brain process what’s happening and make a more conscious decision. I just need to get passed the tired phase, at least I hope it’s a phase. I feel dizzy right now actually. Like pressure in my head and my face is numb. This happened Wednesday too. It’s weird. I need a nap.



So, in true one thing after another fashion… I’m now working 60+ hours a week. My brain won’t stop thinking about new story ideas… UNTIL I HAVE TIME TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE.

I also realize again just how awful I am at being social on the internet. Because on one hand I just want to share my writing and I want people to love it, but on the other hand, I’m still terrified someone will steal it. I don’t know why I’m so paranoid, there’s so many fun works floating out there from other amateur writers. I’m sure it’s just my brain being against me.

Also, I’ve been really sad lately because I love Webtoons and I think I could move my stories into Webtoons, but I have no artistic talent or no any artists interest in that medium.

Blech. It’ll be fine. I’m sure.


Lazy Writer is Lazy

Bad News: I have 1 brain cell and it’s too exhausted to help me with any kind of story development.

Good News: An adrenaline rush gave me enough of a spark to tack on some cutesy stuff to an already cutesy section.

Bad News: I love smut and IT’S SO HARD thatswhatshesaid not to devolve “Good Enough” into that. I go back and forth because why can’t a bit of smut be okay? People still love Game of Thrones. But then I worry that it’ll be disregarded as a trashy romance novel. But also, I love trashy romance novels and my fanfiction is basically just trashy romance scenes and I love writing them as much as I do reading them so what’s the problem if I enjoy it? Then I think But it won’t be marketable. And then I think 50 Shades of Grey and then I think who the f*** is going to publish me anyway?



Disappearing Act

So if you couldn’t tell, I’m not super consistent with my updates.

I’ve been extra tired lately. The loss of my grandmother hits me in unexpected waves and I feel a constant looming sadness. Guilt comes to me at random as well. I’m not the best at dealing with trauma. I don’t know how to process it.

Not an excuse, but a reality. I still want to write. I’m continue soon. But I just wanted to vent into the void.

Blog · Originals

“Good Enough” Chapter 1 Teaser

The beat of the music reverberated through Charlie’s chest. Her senses were confused in this atmosphere; between the alcohol, sweat, and various perfumes, she almost couldn’t breathe. It was dark, except for the colorful lasers and lights cutting through the crowd at random. The only solid light was a faint glow from the bar. 

Charlie followed Misha to the bar and watched her slip between a cluster of people waiting for their drinks. She looked around the busy club; tall round tables and stools separated the bar from the dance floor. When Charlie squinted, she could see only what she could assume is the VIP section: velvet ropes, large men in suits at the entrance, beautiful waitresses, and people dressed in outfits that cost more than her salary seated on plush-looking couches. What’s it like-.

Misha spun around and held a full shot glass in front of Charlie’s face. “Drink up!” To Misha’s surprise, Charlie grabbed the glass and downed the shot quickly.


My heart hurts

I lost my grandmother yesterday. In the course of 15 minutes, I was told she was in the hospital, she was going to hospice, and she had passed.

She had health problems, but had kept the severity of them from the family. This was a surprise.

We were close. We lived far apart, we didn’t physically see each other much in the last 10 years, but we talked all the time. We had a bond.

I looked up to her. And now she’s gone.

This eternal disconnect from someone so close hurts. And that’s the best way I can explain it.


“Good Enough” – Quinn Intro

Basic Statistics

Name: Quinn Kwan-Ryung

Age: 29

Nationality: Korean

Socioeconomic Level as a child: Wealthy

Socioeconomic Level as an adult: Wealthy

Hometown: Gangnam 

Current Residence: Penthouse of The Victoria in fictional city or Seoul

Occupation: Son of the head of the Kwan-Ryung crime organization. 

Income: Loads

Talents/Skills: Manipulation. 🙃 Artist, painter

Birth order: Youngest child

Sibling: 1 sister, Ara

Parents: I wrote about them in other notes, but I’m thinking they’re both prominent business people with gang ties.

Significant Others (describe relationship): Marcus.

Relationship skills: Suave. He knows what he’s doing, but gets bored quickly. He likes drama and it impacts his love life greatly.

Physical Characteristics:

Height: 6’1″

Weight: Unsure, but lean and lanky.

Race: Korean

Eye Color: Dark brown

Hair Color: Blue

Glasses or contact lenses? No

Skin color: Pale

Shape of Face: V Shape

Distinguishing features: Blue hair

How does he/she dress? Wealthy trendy.

Mannerisms: stoic. Clenches jaw when stressed or angry. 

Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) I cant remember if he smokes lol

Health: Good

Hobbies: Painting, playing video games 

Favorite Sayings: NA

Speech patterns: NA

Disabilities: NA

Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): Trendy

Greatest flaw: Doesn’t always see the consequences down the line

Best quality: Loyal

Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes

Educational Background: Private school. Diploma. College

Intelligence Level: Very smart.

Any Mental Illnesses? Unsure

Learning Experiences: Unsure

Character’s short-term goals in life: to get whatever he wants in that momenr

Character’s long-term goals in life: Power.

How does Character see himself/herself? Charming, attractive

How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? Charming, attractive

How self-confident is the character? Very. 

Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Emotion

What would most embarrass this character? Not much

Emotional Characteristics

Strengths/Weaknesses: Doesn’t always think of consequences

Introvert or Extrovert? Extrovert

How does the character deal with anger? Sadist

With sadness? 

With conflict?

With change?

With loss?

What does the character want out of life? To successfully take over “the family business”, but unsure if that his true calling or just battling a need for approval from his parents

What would the character like to change in his/her life? Mulling this one over. Maybe real love from his family or real love from a romantic interest  

What motivates this character? Lust, greed

What frightens this character? Mortality.

What makes this character happy? His friends, getting his way, gaming 

Is the character judgmental of others? Yes

Is the character generous or stingy? Generous

Is the character generally polite or rude? Polite to friends. Rude to enemies. 

How the Character is Involved in the Story

Character’s role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.): Romantic interest’s pseudo-brother

Scene where character first appears: Night club

How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: Humbled.

Additional Notes on This Character: